Wayward spouse fog


Unfortunately, in spite of all the trauma and devastation, your cheating spouse continues to say and do things that make no sense whatsoever. For unknown reasons their actions go contrary to everything you know and love about them. Sounding familiar? If so the likelihood is that your spouse is experiencing the phenomenon commonly known as affair fog. In secret, affairs are a self-fulfilling fantasy land and they are largely detached from reality. Affairs are an artificial bubble wherein anything lacking in a marriage is seemingly satisfied.

To have these needs met, wayward spouses divert energy and time away from the marriage. In essence, affair fog is the state in which a wayward spouse gets so lost in satisfying their own feelings that they override their better judgement to rationalise the affair.

When a betrayed spouse suddenly enters the fantasy through disclosure or discoveryconfusion reigns in both spouses. For the most part betrayed spouses struggle to comprehend how the affair came about and why their spouse has betrayed them. Although unlike a betrayed spouse they have a habit of considering both affair partner and family unit.

The destruction of the fantasy and the perceived loss will sometimes provoke strong emotional responses in favour of an affair partner.

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However, just as quickly they can swing emphasis back to restoring their marriage, only to be side-tracked once again when the crumbling fantasy resurfaces in their mind. It is worth noting that a short intense affair can bring about affair fog levels similar to that of a much longer infidelity. The single best method to help clear the fog of a wayward spouse is to sever contact with the affair partner.

For spouses looking to heal their marriage cutting contact is a vital first step in a marriage recovery journey.

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Cutting contact means no meetings, calls, texts, social media, emails or even lingering glances in a supermarket. When communication continues in secret, the fantasy will be revived. Couples who choose to reconcile their marriage need to agree on firm boundaries regarding contact with the affair partner particularly where contact is unavoidable.

Once agreed these boundaries must be respected as even short interactions will reinforce feelings towards an affair partner and further compound the affair fog. Delivering a final goodbye statement to the affair partner is an excellent tool to aid recovery and reconciliation. This goodbye message is best prepared by the couple and is preferably delivered in writing. The communication goal is to leave no doubt in the mind of the affair partner that the relationship has now permanently ended.

Where contact is unavoidable it should also detail how incidental meetings will be handled. Nevertheless, be prepared for an initially reluctant spouse and some emotional oscillation as the fantasy clears. Spouses in affair fog can be unpredictable, take strength in the fact that by raising your awareness and implementing solid boundaries you are creating a new foundation to protect your marriage. Stay strong and keep learning! Passionate relationship coach who wants to help you heal your marriage after an affair.

Facebook Twitter. How does affair fog come about? What should I expect? Can I support my spouse?All I can share is what I know personally, and have lived through.

wayward spouse fog

Yea I know that sounds weird. I remember throwing on some clothes, gathering up my toiletries bag and make up, and leaving my precious 3 boys who were 16, 13 and 8 years old at the timeand my husband behind.

I walked out on this family of mine, that I had adored and would have given anything for just months earlier. But do you think I came to my senses and broke off the affair and ran home to my family for good?

But what would make me do such a very uncharacteristic thing for me? These children that I decided joyfully many years earlier to not pursue a career for, so I could stay home and spend the majority of their childhood with them.

The next few months are a blur now, as I was back and forth between my house and the other man. But I share this story with you to show you, I understand the power of deception. The slow decline of a soul, that stepped further and further away from her Lord and started believing the lies I heard whispered in my mind. The lies we believe are as strong as that day in the garden of Eden with Eve.

Satan knew her weak spot. Whether you come from faith and believe the story of Adam and Eve or not, you must admit, if you were the unfaithful spouse, there was some version of that lie spoken to you before you fell too. So we make justifications, and then we take the bait and get entangled in an affair that shows us no mercy.

An otherwise loving and devoted spouse, becomes distant and aloof, often before the betrayed spouse knows about their affair. This change is sometimes the catalyst that gets the affair exposed because the betrayed spouse starts suspecting is wrong. The wayward spouse pulls away from their spouse, and often, even distancing from their own children to some degree. But it just illustrates the high price that comes from listening to the voice of affair fog.

The truth is, everything seems more intense and romantic in an affair. But the reality is, the unfaithful spouse is just in the midst of stage 1 of love affairs, also called the Limerence stage. Many of us have experienced this euphoric feeling of new love. Why women have affairs. Read my posts for you, here. Wow, everything makes sense in how my wife was thinking and how she has been behaving. We have been separated for a month now. At first, I was having a hard time understanding why she has been acting like that way with her being all negativity.

Of course, when I learned of the news that she wanted separation; I was begging and pleading which may have pushed her further away. But it has been so difficult with both of us still living under the roof and with her not being home much.

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I think I may need to visit the counselor to get myself help to improve myself.The journey of recovering from an affair is more of a marathon than a sprint. Affair recovery takes a long time and is much more complex than most people either want or look forward to. How do you know if he is telling you the truth and not still lying?

Another thing to consider is your partner may not be willing to talk for fear of causing you more pain or they may not fully understand your need to know. Let him know the truth will help you heal and that more secret and lies would destroy you. If you want to personally heal and give your marriage a fighting chance, you need to be persistent and not give up and accept his stonewalling. The important thing to remember is to not punish or retaliate against your spouse for giving honest answers to your questions.

Your spouse is not going to continue to answer your questions if every time he does you heap abuse upon his head, even though you feel it is justified. After all if he loved me he would not have had the affair, right?

Affair Fog-What It Is Not

A lot of people feel this way but the situation is not as simple as it seems. While some who engage in extra marital affairs no longer love their partner, others still love their mates, sometimes they just want to have their cake and eat it too. The best way for you to recover from the betrayal is to understand and gain perspective about why affairs happen. In Dr. Unfortunately there are no guarantees in life and the truth is that many people who cheat once do cheat again.

What to do instead — To minimize the chances of future affairs, both of you need to personally heal and do whatever it takes, such as reading about affairs in general and why they happen and getting individual counseling or coaching.

You will need to set appropriate boundaries for your relationship and also learn strategies and techniques on how to affair-proof your marriage and meet each others needs. There is a lot more involved than can be covered in this article.

How can you forgive someone who has hurt you so terribly? Deciding whether to forgive your spouse or not; that is something only you can decide.

Will the Unfaithful Spouse Always Feel This Way about the Affair Partner

It takes time to work through all the pain and misery inherent in cheating before you can get to the point of forgiving. What to do instead — If forgiveness is too overwhelming for you to grapple with now, you should try acceptance, just so you can move forward and not remain stuck. Accepting that the affair happened will bring you peace and help you let go of the anger and bitterness you may be feeling. And though you will never forget the affair, accepting frees you to move on with your life together until such time that you can whole-hardheartedly forgive your spouse for cheating on you.

The thing is you need to learn how to deal with your runaway emotions and not let them get the better of you, and the sooner the better. What to do instead — According to Dr. For affair recovery to work, both of you need to whole-hardheartedly commit to making it work.What affair fog is not. Is it a real thing, or an excuse? This post Part 2: What is affair fog-5 signs to watch for. As you likely know, Affair Fog is not an actual fog someone is in.

This is a picture of our backyard that I took. We back to open space, where we normally can see for many miles. I actually love when the fog rolls in, here in Colorado. It typically manifests itself in their behaviors, words, and even appearances, which all become very uncharacteristic for them. Usually, their new affair relationship has superseded in terms of fulfillment and connection anything they remember having in their marriage, or within themselves while married.

The more time they spend with their affair partner, only reinforces this wonderful euphoric experience, in their mind. This affair fog is an altered state of their own reality. But let me be clear on my stand. Affair fog is not because of a mental problem, personality disorder or emotional problem. Deception and delusion often go hand in hand. Personally, I can say from firsthand experience looking back on my own terrible infidelity, how I was very much in a fog while in the affair.

I started acting, thinking, and behaving, in such an uncharacteristic way than my normal self. I may not have wanted to admit it, but I remember sometimes wondering who I really was.

Proven advice for breaking up with your affair partner. How to prevent relapse of your affair. Your email address will not be published. Needing hope and encouragement? And Is It Really Cheating? Trapped in an affair? Would your affair partner make a good spouse?

wayward spouse fog

Do you need to know all the details of her affair? Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published.Furthermore, this list wasn't written by me. This list was not written by someone who overcame marriage crisis in the past. This was written by someone who is currently in the middle of fighting for her marriage, even though her spouse is gone.

wayward spouse fog

Maybe your spouse is gone physically. Maybe your spouse is gone emotionally. It doesn't matter, you fight for your marriage the same way. One may be out the door into the arms of another. It doesn't mean the end.

Focus on you. Change you. Get your groove back. Stand anyway and see 1. No amount of manipulation will stop it. Work on YOU. See 1. There are many restoration stories that confirm this. If a divorce happens and you know you are meant to keep standing, then keep standing. It does not mean you have to file, it does not mean it will end in divorce.

It's wise to seek help in protecting you and any children. Read, read, read the articles at MarriageHelper. Listen to the podcasts on MarriageRadio. Get as much knowledge as possible on what is happening and why. Recognize that acting out of those emotions could very well be a death sentence for your marriage. It's HARD, but making decisions above your emotions is paramount.

wayward spouse fog

You might not be able to control what you feel, but you CAN control how to not let them rule you. There is always something to be thankful about, even in the midst of horrible circumstances.

Being thankful changes your perspective and your mindset. Wallowing in despair won't solve anything I say this in love and understanding, because I know how gut wrenchingly awful this is. We don't know and cannot judge the heart, so it's best to find your strength in God and keep on keeping on, no matter what the other does.

The victory will not be won in our timeframe. And when it doesn't happen as quickly as you'd like, do not give up. You will grow weary, you will want to give up, you will get hurt, you will want to walk away from it all from time to time.

This journey isn't easy, but God will sustain you if you keep looking to Him. Feed your spirit with the Word, with good teaching, with good books, with worship music.This is a non-judgmental space for true healing and restoring happiness after infidelity.


Here you ask your questions, share your story and read my advice on love, trust and affair recovery. She divorced her husband 5 years ago and is a single mom. I have read countless material on infidelity and the emotional cost that accompanies it. There was no D-day… it ended in secret much like it began. My problem is that my heart and mind are not aligned. The first few weeks, we were working together on the pain and recovery, but about 4 weeks ago, it was like a light switch went off.

I am in individual counseling and am doing everything I can to deal with this; I want to have hope that this will pass with time, when she …. My best friend for over 20 years and I had an emotional affair. We only kissed, but several times! We decided to end the affair before it escalated further. Is it possible to still have my affair partner in my life?! I want to be with my husband and work on our relationship. My best friend said if I tell my husband about us, our friendship is over.

He will remove me from his life. Thank you for the opportunity to serve. First of all, let me say… it can be very difficult to maintain your sanity after the intensity of an extramarital affair.

I have known my friend for about 6 years now. And in June last year, we began a relationship. His wife of 30 years was diagnosed with a rare disease that attacks the nervous system, and the same with his middle son who is now 26 years old.

She has been in a wheelchair for the past 5 years.

17 Ways to Stand for Your Marriage When Your Spouse Is Gone

He has lived in different continents than her and visits her during business trips approximately 3 times a year. He is feeling tremendously guilty about abandoning his sick wife. They have not been …. I am in my early 30s and in a deeply loving and healthy relationship for the first time in my life.

MY issue is that, even so it seems I have this insatiable desire to have a sexual relationship with his best friend. This is not a new issue, I have dealt with it in past relationships; however, I always knew why it occurred.Think of how good you felt when you first fell in love.

Healing from infidelity is impossible while one is in this fog.

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Soon the cheating spouse begins to actually believe these lies that they have been telling themselves and therefore act accordingly by treating their spouse badly yet treating their affair partner in a loving and affectionate way.

This is how the affair addiction begins to take momentum. An affair fog is nothing more than a fantasy created by the affair partners. All the wonderful qualities each partner possess are without flaws, weaknesses or selfishness. The affair partners are under the influence of an addictive drug similar to a teenager in love, and unfortunately it is very difficult to remove them from this fog.

I believed he had found the perfect partner and had logically thought about everything he was doing. I am seeing firsthand that he is not thinking clearly and not acting in ways that are considered rational.

I am witnessing how an affair can turn a man that always put his family first into someone who is completely thinking about himself without regard to the hurt he is causing. I believe that we all deserve to be happy and have the marriage we want. I wonder if he ever voiced how unhappy he was or told his wife that she needed to change.

Did he give her the opportunity to meet his needs or did he leave her feeling helpless and guilty? Was he willing to do the hard work needed to repair a damaged marriage or simply give up and find something easy and exciting?

My brother talked about how he always put his family first and all the sacrifices he made; now it is his time to put himself first. Did anyone force him to devote himself to his family? I believe that was his choice and he internally received many rewards for being a wonderful father and husband. He never regretted any of his actions until he met another woman who made him believe he deserved better and that she was the woman of his dreams.

Talking to my brother, I see how little concern he has for the distress he is causing his family. He constantly tries to justify his actions. My dad had the forced opportunity to meet her and commented that she was nice. However, when my brother called him three times after their meeting wanting to hear what my dad thought of her, my dad remained quiet. He desperately wants Doug and me to meet her.

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